The Truth & Healing

The old saying "The truth shall set you free!" is a classic for a reason. It's true!

I have been truthful in my life. I'm not really a lying type of person, I just don't really see why lying is necessary or what the benefits are. I really don't have a reason to lie, so whats the point. I am always pretty astonished when people lie, I just don't get it.  Ironically I am coming to see that after a life of being outwardly honest, the truth is that I have been lying all along, to MYSELF.

 I have been in many abusive situations and scenarios, some are like scenes from a bad horror movie & I buried them all. I focused on the good I could find and hid the rest away. When I say hid away, I mean NO ONE, not even me, really knew!  But inside I had hidden away everything I experienced, the whole of the experience, the feelings, the smells, the clothing, the thoughts, the surrounding events, sometimes days or weeks surrounding the event, everything. It just stayed in my head and I pretended that it didn't happen. As years have gone by, I have endured more and more abuses of all kinds. And I've buried more and more. I mean, nobody really wants to hear any of this stuff anyway. I don't want to be a bummer. So I just don't talk about it. I let it all go, or so I thought. 

As I peer into the dark corners of my experience, I am looking for lessons, I look for patterns, I look for clues that could potentially bring me some peace. I am always looking for the answer to the big question, why? Why?!

So many times I had sat and asked myself, how can this possibly be my life. This is too much. Where is the happiness? Where is the love? Is life ALL pain? My life so far feels like more than 95% pain. (But that is changing) I'm not talking about cut your finger pain, I am talking real deep pain. Weeks on end of crying pain.  Rape pain. Beaten pain. Suicidal pain. Death pain. Bruised and bleeding pain. Emotional pain. The pain of my life, the seeming meaninglessness of it all. I am still trying to make sense out of all the abuse I've endured, and in the process I am learning so many things. 

The truth shall set you free. It's the telling of our stories that relieves the pain, just being heard. That's it. It's so simple. Having someone hear you and understand you and just listen and hear your experience, THAT is the truth setting you free. You need to speak it out loud to someone who will listen. Someone who will listen without comments or suggestions. Just listen. Just hear. When you release your story from your mouth out loud, and someone hears it, it's like magic. You get lifted up a few inches. Your burden of secrecy melts away. If you have a tragic story, you may need to tell it quite a few times before the feels begin to evaporate, but they will. 

I am proud to be at the crest of the wave of the #metoo movement. A few years ago, I spoke out about an abuse that I endured. My motivation for speaking out was not and is not political in nature. I spoke out because I had to for myself. Because if I could not speak out about this incident of abuse, I would never be able to open up and heal any of the abuses I've carried and so I would remain stuck. Somehow, I knew in my own conscience it was time to open up. For me, that tiny little telling of a small abuse so long ago, released my own personal floodgate of hidden stories. It was like I pulled the cork out of the hold and all the truth is spilling out. It feels good, to face these lies I have told myself, these secrets I have buried. 

I am hearing about so many the women coming out and speaking their truth. It is amazing to feel the weight lifted, I feel it too. It is a mass healing for the people on both sides of the abuses, the abuser and the abused. Both are being faced with their truths and the only way to release it is to go through it. Some may be in denial, but eventually they will face the truth, as we all do. When we are faced with a dark truth, it is so important to embrace it and feel it. Really feel it, sit with it, cry with it, breathe into it. Only then can you release it.

Please understand that we need to release others also, so they can tell their truths without upsetting us. This is huge. It takes a great amount of compassion, and it's something I work on daily. We need to treat others as we would like to be treated.  We are going to speak our truth, our real truth and we are going to need people who will give us the space to be and do just that. We also need to give that same space to others. Even if their truth is vastly different than ours. We are ALL vastly different! That is the beauty of the world! Embrace that and allow it, because it is, wether we like it or not. 

Give and receive. The balance of life. 

We are all here learning and growing, the journey is real. 

I wish you many blessings, and many healing stories, both told and heard.

~Kristin